How to Share the Surrogacy Journey With Your Partner
There is no doubt that surrogacy has a profound effect on the lives of everyone involved, including the lives of the surrogate’s support circle. Helping intended parents (IPs) realize their dream of having a child requires a lot of time as well as physical and emotional energy. There are countless screenings, medical appointments, interviews, and meetings with IPs, not to mention hormonal fluctuations and everything involved in being pregnant – all of which will have a significant impact on your daily life, as well as those in your household. For surrogates with partners or spouses, the surrogacy journey can sometimes bring you face-to-face with unfamiliar challenges in the relationship.
Because the demands and challenges of surrogacy will have a direct impact on your partner, it’s essential to have their support from the very beginning. As the surrogacy process continues, including your partner throughout the journey will help you both work together as a team, make it easier for you to navigate uncharted relationship experiences, and get the much-needed support you need as a surrogate. Below are some tips on sharing your surrogacy journey with your partner or spouse.
1. Communication Is Key
Communicate, communicate, communicate. The importance of talking about your emotions, fears, hesitations, joy, excitement, and all other emotions, can’t be overstated. At the same time, surrogates should also allow their partners to share what they are going through every step of the way.
2. Attend Appointments Together
Invite your partner to attend appointments with you, particularly those that offer education about what to expect, the legal/contract process, and the medical aspects of surrogacy. Doing so will help alleviate any concerns they have about the surrogacy process. It will also help you both stay on the same page and maintain organization. Your partner will be asked to join your match meeting with your intended parents. Consider inviting your partner to talk with your agency as well at the beginning stages of surrogacy.
3. Involve Them in the Decision-Making Process Early On
One of the most important steps in the earlier portions of the surrogacy process is the matching process, in which surrogates are matched with IPs based on mutually-shared values and perspectives. Talking to your partner beforehand about what’s most important to you as a family, as well as what your expectations are for the surrogacy contract and the type of intended parents you ideally would want to work with, will help them feel like they are part of the process rather than just an observer. It also shows that you are firmly committed to your family first and foremost, which will ultimately have a positive effect on how you approach challenges together.
4. See a Counselor
Seeing a couple’s counselor can be instrumental for any couple, especially if you are becoming a surrogate. If you’re in the earliest stages of thinking about surrogacy and your partner has some misgivings about the process, talking to a counselor can help facilitate communication between you so that you both can speak your truths and be heard. It’s also generally recommended that surrogates and their partners see a counselor during the actual journey, even if they’re on the same page. The surrogacy experience can be a highly emotional one for everyone involved and a counselor will help you handle these challenges with grace and honesty. At West Coast Surrogacy, you will be provided with a counselor for your entire journey. Your partner is welcome to join your sessions as well.
5. Focus on the Positive Aspects of Surrogacy
Helping a couple or individual struggling with infertility, LGBTQ+ families, and single aspiring parents is one of the most important and rewarding experiences for those who are well-suited and ready for the challenge. While it can sometimes feel like a roller coaster for you and your partner, focusing on the sheer extraordinary feat of helping someone else achieve their family-building dreams can provide emotional nourishment to both you and your partner. Taking a moment to step back and marvel at the journey will help you both fall in love with the process.
A Word From West Coast Surrogacy
If you have questions about how to talk with your partner about becoming a surrogate, please contact West Coast Surrogacy today. We are a boutique surrogacy agency that prides itself on our commitment to supporting and guiding our surrogates through each step of the process. With round-the-clock availability, we provide surrogates with attention unmatched by other surrogacy agencies in California.
